let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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