I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
