Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
