I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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