i just had sex bonerless
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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