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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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