I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
