threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
