i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So vagazzling was a success
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
