Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
