how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
