:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
