Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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