Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
