I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
