Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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