He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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