loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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