and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
