I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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