I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
