Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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