so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm always down for nudity.
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