Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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