When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
