Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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