i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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