He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
