New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
