Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
