so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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