Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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