I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
