I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
