before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
