Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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