Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
