You just made me feel so damn special
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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