There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
