he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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