Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
