where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
