Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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