Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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