Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
