oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
