Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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