So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
