May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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