i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
