i permit you to call me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
