yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You are a genius and a whore.
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