You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
