In the future we'll all be gay
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
