There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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