Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
