Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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