I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
