Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
