Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
