he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
