so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
