About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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