Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
