I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
