I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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