My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
