Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
