yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
