hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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