I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
