JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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