no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
