does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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