He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
